Due to a lapse in thinking, I managed to flood the floor behind the washing machine.  Having pulled the machine out about 2 weeks ago, to survey the situation, I was aghast at how disgustingly dirty it was down there, among the fluff, dropped pegs, and various other unidentifiable detritus.   However disgusted I was, it still took me a couple of weeks for this particular task to reach the top of the ‘to do’ list.

The actual cleaning was not as bad as it looked, but of course leads to more – shifting the adjacent dryer, then the pile of stuff that had built up against the wall, then the coats and bags and accumulation of plastic bags saved for up-cycling in due course.

Tiresome, bit boring, but tasks that give the mind a bit of space on an at-home Saturday.  I had already knocked off a 1 km swim in an outdoor pool by 8:30am.  A return to former swim fitness levels of a few years ago, when swimming was a regular part of my week.  I miss it, but getting to a pool is not easy from home.  The first thing I did when we got home after a hearty cafe breakfast was txt my former swimming buddy;  it turned he had also done a 1km swim quite possibly at the same time as me.  That made me miss our swimming even more.

Spring cleaning the laundry is much easier than spring cleaning my head.  The course that I am attending one night a week is now at week 3.  We completed a questionnaire,  the first stage of a mentoring ‘awareness’ programme developed on the basis that ‘you can’t fix what you are not aware of’, which sounds logical.  60 questions, 4 different sectors of ones ‘being’.  Yes, No, or maybe the only options.  Then a scoring and filling in of matrices to figure out where you are in your awareness.  I thought the ‘no’ answers were probably more revealing than the ‘yes’ answers.

I have a daily practice of gratitude?  No.

Usually I think before I speak?  Not always.

At least twice a year I consciously consider my values?  NO.  (Sounds a bit flakey, frankly.  I would think values lasted most of a lifetime, once adopted.)

My career, work or service is a significant source of fulfilment?  No, I don’t have a job.

And so on.

I decided it would be a good thing to share, so he answered while I read out the questions.  Then he scoffed, and said it was obvious anyway.  I found this a bit disappointing, frankly.  Nowhere to go from there.  No opening for any further conversations about any of the questions, let alone his or my answers.

That was Thursday night.  Friday morning my horoscope said “Fix it.  Fix it!  It needs fixing and you are the one to do it.  “How?” is the question.  You won’t  know the answer, but your sincere intention is enough to fix it all.”  I can’t help but wonder why the US is bombing Syria and we seem to be on the brink of war with North Korea if all the Leo’s in the world can fix things.  Maybe we are not looking at the big picture.  Or just not sincere enough?

Thus, on Friday afternoon I cleared the crap off the table and set it properly, lit candles and made fish curry.  He was surprised at the table being set.  “Our hug quotient is way below 6,” I said,  (one of the questions – “I participate in at least 6 hugs in a day?”).

He hugged me and apologised for being so dismissive of the questions and process, and we sat and ate dinner like grown-ups.  No TV.  Little did he know the universe was on my side.

I read in Monday’s pull-out section of the paper about the power of intuition, gut instinct, call it what you like.  Sometimes we just know what is the right thing to do, or not do as the case may be.

6 hugs a day is actually a lot.  I said patting the cat does not count.  Like housekeeping, like cleaning out all the places that never get any attention, I can see this fixing carry-on is quite time-consuming but also like cleaning, so satisfying in a smug sort of way when progress is made.

The next job will be pulling out the fridge to see what is behind that.  I equate this with one of the big questions “It is easy for me to be self-forgiving.”  Maybe?

A tui does his Saturday morning housekeeping at the birdbath. 100% yes.



About Ngaire Wallen

Landscape designer, thinker, partner, mother, reader, wanna-be writer keen to inflict my thoughts on the world.
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